Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
