I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
