So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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