Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
