Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
