I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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