Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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