I think my fart just growled at me.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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