I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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