a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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