he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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