my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
