i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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