that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
