Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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