I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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