maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
