just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
