NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
