New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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