Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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