were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
