he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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