operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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