i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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