We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
