he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
