I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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