i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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