The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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