Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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