Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
