Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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