Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
