in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
