If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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