I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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