I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
