I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
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Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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