based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
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Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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