we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There r osticjed everywhere
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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