The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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