I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
there was a trapeze. enough said
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
