There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
