that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
