Can i not drive my cunt home
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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