it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
