using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
ok first of all what the fuck
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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