You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
