I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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