Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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