maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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