i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
