I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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