Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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