chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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