im drinking this country out of the recession.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize