And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
