The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
