Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Boobs speak an international language.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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