A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
