So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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