Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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