dude i'm inner monologue high
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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