She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
