Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
