dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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