"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
