i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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