I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
