My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
did you just send me my own nude
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize